Women!

The tricky thing about being female is how other people treat you.

When I was a little girl I didn’t realise there was a difference between boys and girls.

I’m not sure my opinions have changed all that much. I think its society that pressurises each of us (boys and girls) into behaving in a certain way, subtly influencing us by pushing images and fake ideals at us. It’s all been going on a long time; the myth perpetuates itself, it’s so deeply imbedded in our psyche. It’s almost totalitarianism in nature.

For example if you’re a boy and at school one day you cry, because someone has stolen your books or has stood on your favourite toy all the other boys will laugh at you and ridicule you. Will you cry again? No. You shape your opinions of yourself by how other people react to you. But what if we had no heavy-handed influences? How would you see yourself then? Or what if the influences were different. 13 years ago I was in Thailand. I met two friendly Thai guys who gave me a guided tour of the surrounding areas of Chang Mai on the back of their bike. We went to a temple on top of a very steep hill in the rainforest, we boiled eggs in a hot spring, then we ate at a small restaurant consisting of a bit of lean to corrugated iron and some small plastic garden chairs, shunted up against the side of a dirt track road. We were in the middle of nowhere. The waiter sashayed over to take our order. He was a ladyboy, the two men I was with spoke to him and he sashayed away again. They explained to me what he was, but were completely inoffensive in their description. They were ordinary guys and so was the waiter.

Gender, in my opinion is a sliding scale, female one end, male at the other and a great deal of people wondering around in the middle. It’s where I would place myself.

Of course there are differences between men and women (its all about hormones). Men have more self confidence. This is probably because it is generally assumed within society that men are more able than women. Men receive more respect, as standard from people, both men and women. Assertive women are seen to be bitches or bolshie and unfeminine. Assertive men tend to gain respect and authority.

Women are more emotional and require affection, all the time!. It’s not a needy thing it’s just normal. Men tend not to require as much and get a little nervous when encountering ‘emotional’ women.

My parents used to make hay each year and as the youngest and weakest I was given the job of driver. So at about 12, when I was tall enough to reach the peddles, I was driving a Land Rover with a 40 ft trailer, stacked high with hay as my parents threw the bails onto the back. I became a good driver because it was always my job and nobody told me that I couldn’t do it.

I have driven buses and coaches for 13 years and I have countless examples of how people treat me differently, because of my gender.

I am a confident driver with a lot of experience. At the age of 19 I became a London bus driver. I moved to Scotland and drove tours there, I was forced to take unsuitable single-track roads, squeeze the coach onto ferries, drive up drives to country houses completely unprepared for a 12 metre coach and negotiate small humpback bridges. I then drove and guided for a small backpacker company for a short while before training to drive tours throughout Europe. I drove in most of the major towns of Europe and not just once or twice, I did it continuously for 3 years. I drove most frequently in Paris, Rome, Florence, Munich, Berlin, Vienna, Barcelona and Amsterdam. But I have also driven through Poland Belarus, Greece, (including Athens) Albania, Croatia, Slovakia, Montenegro, Sweden, Denmark and Finland. I even drove through and navigated my way around Russia, driving around St Petersburg and Moscow. One of the worst, or should I say challenging places I have ever driven. Now there are people I know who have done a great deal more. I have a female friend who drove a coach through Iran. I want to explain all this not because I’m showing off. I need to tell you all this so I have you on side when I tell you my next story.

When you are a female bus/coach driver people treat you like you’re 5. They lower their voice, sink their head into their shoulders and look you in the eye and say. “Well aren’t you clever”

“Wow can you really drive this?” (Always seemed a ridicules question to me.)

Then when you get going and you have driven them around a bit…. “Wow you are actually really good”

Actually.

There is no reason that a person who has 13 years bus driving experience shouldn’t actually be able to do her job. Yet that’s what people assume. They assume you haven’t been doing it for long, you are going to be shit and you will get into an emotional fragile flap any time soon. It’s these assumptions that you have to fight against. Sometimes people aren’t so nice, sometimes people are intimidated or affronted by you and it comes out as anger or spite. This reaction is self-perpetuating. Self-confidence comes, not just from your own abilities, but other people’s confidence in you. Imagine standing on stage and trying to be funny when the audience shouting and jeering at you. It’s not impossible but certainly it would require a great deal of front.

A few months ago an old man got on my bus in Edinburgh. He gave me a knowing look as he got on and a cheeky smile. As he alighted a dozen bus stops later he said “wow you drive just like a man” This was supposed to be some kind of compliment. I said “oh no did I hit someone” But he didn’t get it. It was an equally sexist reply but he started it!

I have managed to do what I have done because I had a great upbringing and I am very stubborn and determined. I’ve done it because enough people have believed in me.

Now want to be a Sculptor.