Gosh this really does change everything doesn’t it? No longer can I walk away from pain and distract myself with adventure. Right now I have to play the diplomat, right now I have to pretend to like people I don’t and be this strong hardened unemotional woman, it’s exhausting and I isn’t me.
“No no its fine” he said “just happy to help”
This confuses me every time it happens, because it is a subtle untruth. He actually means “Yes some beer would be nice I like Stella” doesn’t he? But why doesn’t he say so? It’s a more than fare exchange and he would at least end up with the beer he likes best rather than me making a random choice.
This is where I go so wrong with men, or at least from my perspective, where they go so wrong with me.
“Do you like me?”
“Yes”
“Great”
“ Oh actually I didn’t mean that, I don’t want to be with you at all, I just wanted to sleep with you, but really you’re a lovely girl…..”
Being told you’re a ‘lovely girl’ by a guy is like a local community saying “Yes we think Nuclear power is certainly a clean, safe economical viable way to power our tellys without rapidly using up all the earths resources, we just don’t want it in our back yard”
I’m a nuclear power station, that’s what I am. My mum would be so proud.
People play games with language. They pretend to be something they are not. I often see people who are sensitive or shy or hurt pretending to be confident and strong to cover up the truth from the world. I say what’s so wrong with shyness or sensitivity or hurting? At least you have feelings. If people judge you for that and try and put you down then its they who are the morons, not you. Don’t try to be more of a bully than the bully; you simply become something worse than the thing you are trying to defeat.
I’m shy, I hate a stage, and I think that’s fine. I hurt too and I don’t mind telling you because I think everyone does and if people don’t admit to it then they are part of the conspiracy not the solution.
